A short Sketch on Empathy

A cherished fellow explorer of cultural operating systems asked me about my take on empathy.

Empathy is one of the core capacities required for the Future of Work and for Customer-focused Innovation — and really, for the Future of Humanity. Empathy is part of the emotional and relational intelligence mature humans develop. I am committed to doing my best to create a world, where, one day, we will all encounter each other with empathy, so we can use every interaction as an opportunity for value creation.

To me the gold standard on empathy in a personal context is still Brené Brown, but the original question on empathy arose in the context of an interview on AI and intrapreneurship (which I believe will be the future of how we co-create). The interview featured empathy as a key aspect and superpower for the design thinking approach required to create customer-focused solutions.

Understanding your customer’s problem is key to actually creating a solution with them.

They are the expert on the situation. Of course, they are only the expert on the problem, not the solution — hence Henry Ford’s famous quote about the faster horse.

But your customers are the ultimate authority on the problem they are experiencing.

When speaking of empathy, one might want to make the distinction between empathy in the context of compassion with someone else’s existence (or in the worst case their suffering or even stupidity), and empathy as part of understanding your customer’s struggles so that you might co-create a solution for them.

To me, both seem to require similar personal capacities and process, though, which I will attempt to sketch here:

• Start with acknowledging that you can never fully understand someone else’s perspective.
• Understand that everyone - no matter what it might look like - is doing their very best in any given moment.
• Understand that your own identity is fluid. That you can "step outside of yourself" and look at yourself. That you can also play different roles, like an actor.
• Then step outside of yourself and instead of looking at yourself, look at the other person from that vantage point. Forget about yourself for the remainder of the session (unless selfcare is required).
• Empathy is not about you, it is about whoever is in front of you (unless, of course, this is a session between your observer and your bio-robot, in which case empathy is also very highly recommended).
• Understand that they too are a fluid identity, that they too "are not who they are".
• Understand that you are not here to "fix" them or their problem, but you are a fellow life taking an interest in another life (being kind in the sense of understanding that all life is kin)
• Taking an interest comes from Latin inter-esse - being amidst/immersed.
• So immerse yourself in their reality.
• This starts with quieting your own. It starts with silence, so you can actually pay attention to them.
• Then sit. Wait. Simply be present.
• People want to share themselves - if there is space and the pull of loving attention.
• Listen.
• Listen some more.
• Wait.
• Listen even more.
• When they are done talking, wait some more. Make sure they are really done for the moment.
• When there is space, ask an open ended question that encourages them to step outside of themselves and explore their identity from a new angle (your gift to them).
• Listen more.
• Ask more.
• Wait more.
• Repeat until they have exhausted their own exploration.
• Acknowledge them for the work they did. Stepping outside of yourself can be scary. Looking at yourself and what is not working can be painful. Transformation is a death experience.
• Thank them for sharing themselves with you. We are all here to experience. Sharing experiences is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other.

These steps are by no means complete — if there could be such a thing — , but at least might provide you with some inspiration on your own explorations of empathy.

In that, be kind to yourself. Remember that empathy is a dance. Dance requires both stability and fluidity in any given moment — including that of your own identity.

Empathy is an art, and there is no right way to do it.

As Man Ray said:

There is no progress in art, any more than there is progress in making love. There are simply different ways of doing it.

The key is to do it. Do it often.

Empathy is a gift we can all give each other.

None of us know what is really going on. By sharing with each other and paying attention to each other, we at least orient ourselves in an aspirational direction, and can continue to approach a collective reality that works for all.

To a more empathetic world ;-)

The future belongs to those who create it. What kind of future can you envision? For yourself, for your organization, for the planet?
Connect with me through LUMAN or http://philiphorvath.com and let’s create the future together.