Beyond the Blame Game: Leading from Ownership in Times of Missed Targets
The townhall was buzzing, but not with excitement, rather with everyone making sure they did not end up getting blamed for the sales targets that had just been missed.
“Who is responsible for this?” was the big question in the room. The clear answer in everyone’s head: “Not me!”
As a result, the Q&A chat was full of comments (mostly anonymous, of course) trying to find out who was to blame for the recent misses: the analysts who made the predictions about market demands? the leaders who acted on it and built extra capacity? the sales people who didn’t hit their targets and were worried about their bonuses?
A friend sent me screenshots of these chats asking what to do when people get stuck in the blame game.
In organizations the shifting of blame, the search for culprits, begins among colleagues.
But we see it in society, too: Immigrants, “creative types”, “the left”, “the right”, women/men, the young, the old, other countries and their leaders… The blame game is an easy one to use when demagogues prey on the fears of people.
Blame isn’t responsibility
Sometimes, things don’t go as planned — especially in an ever more complex world.
When things don’t work out or we miss targets, our biology, our ancient stress response system — designed for survival, not strategic meetings — takes over.
When we are stressed, we freeze, flee, fight, or fawn. These four Fs, rooted in our nervous system, show up in the workplace as procrastination, disengagement and avoidance, confrontation or gossip, or excessive people-pleasing combined with silent quitting.
But perhaps one of the most pervasive modern manifestations is the blame game.
When you observe meetings and townhalls, especially if things are difficult, you can watch a familiar dance: a room of smart, well-intentioned professionals subtly deflecting, redirecting, and protecting themselves after a missed target.
“Who is responsible for this?” — a valid question, but too often misunderstood.
Instead of seeking response-ability, we seek culpability.
Not who will act, but who must atone.
Herein lies a critical distinction — one that sits at the intersection of leadership, culture, and neuroscience.
The Brain on Blame
Blame is a protective mechanism. When we feel under threat, the amygdala — the brain’s threat detection center — activates the sympathetic nervous system. We enter a heightened state of arousal: heart rate spikes, cortisol floods the bloodstream, and executive function in the prefrontal cortex begins to shut down. Judgment narrows. Creativity evaporates. Empathy diminishes.
In these moments, the brain’s primary goal is not truth, but safety.
When we blame others, we create psychological distance — I am not at fault; therefore, I am not unsafe.
This comes at a cost. Blame reduces oxytocin, the hormone associated with trust and bonding, and inhibits mirror neuron activity, which underlies empathy.
The result? Disconnection. Defensiveness. And a breakdown of the very relational tissue needed to solve the problem at hand.
The Shift to Ownership
Contrast this with what happens when we take responsibility.
When a leader says, “Here’s what I missed — and here’s what I’m doing about it,” something remarkable happens: the prefrontal cortex re-engages. Cognitive flexibility returns. The parasympathetic nervous system — the one responsible for calm, restoration, and social connection — is activated. Cortisol levels drop, and oxytocin rises. Teams feel safer. Trust is rebuilt.
Neuroscientific studies in the field of social cognition have shown that leaders who model vulnerability and accountability activate prosocial regions of the brain in their teams — such as the medial prefrontal cortex and anterior insula — creating what researchers call co-regulation. Leadership becomes contagious.
Responsibility is not about the past. It is the ability to respond to what is here now — and to what wants to emerge.
Practical Invitations for Leaders
In your next jour fixe, team debrief, or retrospective try this:
- Break the Threat Response Loop
Address the elephant in the room and acknowledge the discomfort openly. “I sense we’re entering a space of tension — let’s pause for a moment to breathe together.” This simple act helps reset the nervous system, allowing the brain to move from reactivity to receptivity. - Shift the Language
Replace “Who caused this?” with:
· “What are we learning here?”
· “What became visible that wasn’t before?”
· “What have we become aware of?”
· “Who feels called to lead the next step?” - Model Prefrontal Leadership
Step forward vulnerably. “I didn’t see this coming, and here’s how I contributed — and now I’m committing to…”
This transparency activates mirror neurons in others, making them more likely to own their part. - Create Closure and Coherence
Encourage teams to share what’s unresolved, what they’re carrying, and what they’re ready to release. This doesn’t just move the work forward — it restores psychological safety and relational integrity.
Responsibility as a Ritual of Emergence
Blame is easy. It satisfies the limbic brain’s desire for quick resolution.
Leadership asks us to expand our capacity — to be present with discomfort, to metabolize complexity, to model a different way of being.
Authentic leadership, then, is not about perfection. It is about presence. It is about stepping into the unknown with eyes wide open, our nervous system regulated, and our intentions and values aligned.
This requires a new operating system, a new way to collaborate and create value together.
As a leader, it requires knowing what you can and can’t change.
“Give me the patience to bear the things I can’t change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The future of leadership — and of work itself — will not be built by those who are quickest to assign blame.
It will be shaped by those who are most willing to respond.
Let’s transform your organization toward a new operating system that can thrive in pivotal moments full of uncertainty.
Connect with me at https://philiphorvath.com or through LUMAN at https://luman.io
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