The Paradox of Authenticity and Purpose

There is a paradox in living an authentic and purposeful life.

Individuals and organizations are increasingly asking themselves about their purpose.

A bank I worked with a few years ago had hired our company to kick off their purpose journey. I held an initial keynote where I reminded them what the purpose of a bank could be about beyond making money (hint: it had to do with empowering community and becoming the driving force behind shaping the future of their country). As a result, they integrated their newly found purpose into every aspect of their operations from strategy all the way to the front-lines of customer interaction. It wasn’t just a marketing slogan (as is too often the case), but became a guiding principle for every employee. It allowed their employees to make decisions in their every day life based on this purpose and having a renewed sense of intrinsic motivation.

Purpose is about intrinsic motivation

In the many years that I have worked with individual leaders and organizations on activating their purpose, I found that most of the time what they were really looking for is to be intrinsically motivated as individuals, and as organizations to have engaged employees capable of distributed decision making aligned under a common north star or vision (increasing retention, productivity, customer satisfaction, and ultimately revenue).

Self-determination theory is key to understanding intrinsic motivation. It has three components:

• Autonomy (I am living my life, I am doing me)
• Competence (I am applying what I know and I am learning — a growth mindset)
• Relatedness (meaningful belonging, belonging we choose consciously)

Autonomy and relatedness can be seen as opposites

We want to be uniquely us, but also want to feel a sense of belonging. We want to be authentic, self-authoring, but what is the point if we don’t apply ourselves in service to other, to something bigger than ourselves?

Both individual autonomy and relationships with others are things that scare us, they are ends on a spectrum of fear. Fritz Riemann’s work on the “Basic Forms of Fear” talks about this spectrum, about how we fear both loneliness as well as being enmeshed in connection. We want to be alone but also connected.

Key to holding this paradox is relational intelligence.

Relational Intelligence bridges autonomy and belonging

Both autonomy and belonging are ultimately about relating:

• Autonomy requires us to consciously relate to ourselves as individuals separate from everyone else, to relate to the various facets of who we are and what we need (to learn more about leadership as an act of relating to yourself and your human operating system, check out this article)
• Meaningful belonging requires relating to others and creating belonging consciously, not defaulting to bloodline, nationality, or social compliance and conformity — actively loving as Erich Fromm called it in the “Art of Loving”. In relating consciously and creating value for others we choose connection and become stewards of our belonging (more on the secret to belonging here).

So, if you want to feel authentic and purposeful, keep working on activating your relational intelligence.

Key to personal and organizational success especially in an age of AI

When we activate relational intelligence, relate consciously to ourselves and others, we are more conscious of our needs and that of others, make solid agreements, and have mechanisms to recalibrate when these agreements are broken. As a result we build cultures where we can bring our genius to bear and where we can rely on ourselves and each other, resulting in increased employee engagement, innovation, and the necessary resilience for a complex world.

As AI takes on more transactional repetitive tasks, the risk of depersonalization and disengagement grows. Leaders must double down on fostering genuine human connection to build trust, empathy, and collaboration — qualities machines cannot replicate. As a result, relational intelligence is becoming more crucial than ever. I have written about the Relational Workforce in an age of AI and why it is crucial for leaders to foster relational intelligence in their people in the face of AI-driven change here.

Connect with me and together, we can unlock your team’s full potential by building a culture where purpose drives performance, and relational intelligence ensures resilience and connection in an AI-driven world.

Bridging the philosophical with the practical, I empower leaders to cultivate strategies and foster cultures that drive meaningful transformation and spark innovation. Together, we’ll build the relational intelligence and resilience you and your team need to navigate complexity and co-create a future rich with purpose and potential.

If you’re intrigued by the power of relational intelligence or are ready to master the art of transformation, let’s connect. Reach out to me on LinkedIn, explore my insights on my website, or connect with LUMAN to discover how we can collaborate to elevate your leadership and accelerate your impact.